October 24, 2012

The Shift Debate

I said, "I don't like any kind of change."

My parents chuckled in my face and told me that people who don't like change don't move away. Ever. And I like leaving. Yet, I stew over nostalgia. I crave looking back. I relish in remembering. Thinking about the small distinctions of a person, then and now. Me, 2.0. 2.1. The newer version. The broken version. The confident version. The scared version.

I get weary over the thought about starting again. I get so excited over the idea of change that I paralyze the move. The fear contracts inside my arms, hands, legs and feet, like ivy that crawls up and adheres and tries to become permanent. Permanence. I don't have much of that. I don't understand it. I do see it on the faintest line on my forehead. I ask, "When are you going away? I'd like you to change please."

Before I make a leap, I calculate the amount of nicks I may get from a fall. After it seems that I always forget to count the blows because I'm usually wiping something brilliant off my face.

It's always just the before.

Not A Model asks: How do you deal well with change?


  1. The risk is almost ALWAYS worth the reward. I always say I hate change, but in reality I crave it. Change is scary, but so is standing still. I am starting to get that feeling of "I'm the only one not settling down" within my friend groups. Thankfully, I got hitched to change and moved across the ocean without looking back. Having new experiences, meeting new people, seeing new things, being scared, being uncomfortable, learning, growing - those are all part of change and some of the most important parts of my life. I always say that you can't achieve anything great without feeling at least a little bit uncomfortable. I don't know if that's true, but for me it is. Despite any fear I seem to think that I have, I'll always choose change over the familiar.

  2. I think it depends on the type of change. Things like my close friend wanting to move away from me forever, I do not like and cannot deal with. Things like a new job opportunity is the type of change I welcome. If you are excited about something, it makes it easy to deal with the change.