Sorry boys, this one's for the GIRLS

The scenes are familiar. A pretty girl walks into a room/someone is looking at a pretty girl's profile picture/a pretty girl is dating the guy you wish you were dating...then comes the nasty comments.

"Yeah I guess she's pretty, but check out her thighs they're kind of massive." "She has nice eyes, but her nose isn't anything to write home about." "She just has nice hair, that's it. Nothing more." "Look at her makeup, she looks trashy, that's probably why he's dating her."

How would you feel if someone said any of the above statements about your mother? Grandmother? Sister? Best friend? Your back would probably stiffen and you'd be ready to come to their defense right? I find it interesting how females judge their own kind. I rarely hear guys break down other guys eyelash by eyelash.

I understand that it can be intimidating when a girl is placed in the presence of a superwoman. The first reaction is to find a way to tear that girl down because if she has flaws, then their own imperfections won't be so obvious. 

With the rise of social media, people can now judge others in a virtual space of photos/tweets/blogs/videos. It is easy (and cowardly) to write an anonymous nasty comment about another girl online. It can be "harmless fun" to break down another person by scrutinizing their Facebook photo. An amazing fellow blogger of mine recently told me she feels discouraged from negative, bashing comments written on her blog. I'm no saint. I've said negative comments about other girls before. Who hasn't? Maybe it was the stunning girl dating that guy I'm interested in. Maybe it was the newest it model who everyone was fawning over. Trust me I've been there.

But here's the thing, I never feel good about it after. Saying something negative about someone else is like eating too much candy. At first you feel that rush and then you feel just a little bit sick down in your gut. 

It shouldn't be a competition. I know there will always be girls who are: taller, smarter and prettier than me. That's the reality, but it shouldn't make me feel like less of a person. This Mean Girls quote is the perfect reminder:"Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid won't make you any smarter."

I make it a habit to compliment girls/women when I admire something about them. In PR school I am surrounded by many fashionable, talented and pretty women everyday. Instead of thinking, "Wow she looks really pretty today. I look like a total schlep. Why can't I look that good on a Monday?" I tell the person that I love their hair/skirt/nail polish etc. I've also been e-mailing fellow bloggers that I admire and sending my appreciation their way. Why keep those good vibes inside?

My amazing mother is the queen of compliments. She sometimes (much to my dismay) compliments strangers. She'll tell the salesperson or the girl sitting beside us in a restaurant that she loves her dress or shoes. While this used to mortify me when I was younger ("Ugh Mom, stop talking to strangers that's like totally uncool") I take note of the reaction of the person. The person is usually taken off guard by my mom's genuine compliment and I see that little extra pep in their step, or small smile when they turn away. I'm terrible at receiving compliments. Ask anyone who knows me and I usually stammer, blush or reject the compliment. I also think this is problematic. If someone pays you a genuine compliment there is nothing wrong with accepting it with a thank you. It doesn't mean that you're conceited or self-indulgent, instead it takes a secure, mature person to gracefully accept one. I'm getting there, slowly.

As this blog grows and I receive positive feedback from my readers, I'm ready for a shift in how we treat one another. I believe that the world will be a better place if every girl/woman can become a confident leader and the absolute best version of herself. I'm working on some plans to start spreading my message to younger girls and catch that "Mean Girls" mentality early.

Always remember, as the Lululemon manifesto states: Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to. So today, your task is to say/tweet/write a nice message to a fellow strong, beautiful female. Spread the love & be positive! It's the only way to be.

Note: I use the terms "girl" "female" and "woman" universally and interchangeably. Everyone can decide what they feel is most appropriate for themselves. It's kind of like the B. Spears debate, "Not a girl, not yet a woman."jk.

Let Loose, Get Braid

It's time for another Not A Model photo shoot! This time it's all about the coif with a spotlight on braids and soft waves. 

It seems that braids have been weaving their way onto the heads of even the most stylish of women. A braid can be practical if you find yourself with little time to get ready. Yet, they can get quite intricate like a fishtail or french braid. Side braids have also been popping up all over the runways. Think farmer's daughter meets I don't shower hipster.

 

[photocredit left: Harper's Bazaar Alexander Wang] 

On another note, when it comes to the art of seduction nothing says romance and "run your hands through my hair" like soft waves. Touchable, bouncy and voluminous are the only adjectives that should be uttered around a truly swoonworthy mane. Think messy, not prom queen.

 [photocredit Harper's Bazaar Chloe]

When choosing my third "non-model" I immediately thought of Christina Pellegrini or Pell as most people call her. Her rich, dark hair is the perfect mix of texture, shine and volume. She has been one of my best friends since elementary school and she's the only person I know who received tips working at a bakery! When she's not breaking boys' hearts one hair flip at a time, she's working hard at getting her marketing certificate and being the glue that keeps all of our friendships together. She's a great listener and a natural beauty. These photos really capture her soft side and sweet personality. She was a breeze to shoot. I find that photography is soon becoming one of my favourite aspects of the blog. Hope you guys like them!

Hmm... I wonder if Not A Model will wash out of that pillowcase? :)

My Pen & A Cup of Coffee

Sitting in a cafe with a hot beverage and writing in my notebook is one of my favourite things to do. There is just something about coffee shops that bring people together while providing some time for unwinding and relaxation.

Therefore, I'm super excited to be contributing to the talented blogTO team as a cafe/restaurant reviewer!! I will be scoping out the latest Toronto eateries and writing about my delicious discoveries. I am also happy to have two ridiculously cool photographers (who have been all over my blog) Stefania Sgambelluri (photo credit above) and Cory Vanderploeg to take photos of the delectable treats along the way.

So check out my first blogTO review of Cafe Bernate with Cory's fantastic photos right here. 

Psst future...tell me what's out there!

Let's talk transitioning.

A transitional period is a time when you are moving from one really familiar aspect of life into a totally new one. It causes you to close a door on one chapter and get ready to flow (or crash) into the next phase. 

Some examples of transitions include: student to worker, living at home to on your own, single to relationship, relationship to single, engaged to married, unemployed to employed, city slicker to world traveler and so on. It is a time when things are a bit foreign and everything you thought you knew no longer applies.

Before transitioning, there is always the heaping water bucket of uncertainty rocking in the balance over your head.

Drip, drip, drip each droplet is painful and teasing. Aren't we all just waiting, wishing to get soaking wet? Uncertainty can drive anyone crazy. Will they hire me? Does he like me? Will I get in? Is this the right path for me?

In about one month, I will no longer be a student. I went from high school student to a Western undergrad and then directly into a post-graduate certificate program. Being a student has become a large part of my identity. However, at this point I feel I am ready to make the transition. I'm ready to move out of the classroom and see what I'm made of.

I just wish I had some answers. I'm still interviewing, applying and hoping soon someone will see something in me and think, "Yeah, that's the girl we want."

There are many aspects of my life I know are on the verge of breaking though and changing. New people are entering and new opportunities and experiences are coming my way. The overwhelming part is not knowing where I stand. 

"Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity." - R. I. Fitzhenry


I hope this time will be a time where I can focus on the creative aspects of my life such as writing, learning more about photography and making connections. I know I've been MIA this past week, but I have a lot to share with you including a new Not A Model photo shoot!  

I'd also like to give a grand welcome to all my new readers. I can't wait to hear from you! I leave you with this photograph I took yesterday in Anthropologie of their very creative and eco-friendly chandelier.

Get inspired. Enjoy xo

Lovely Lavender & Investment Bankers

I'm a mood polisher.

A mood polisher is someone who paints their nails based on how they're feeling or how they want to feel.  To me, a nail colour can embody a new season or a new beginning. It's a little touch that can showcase to the world a little bit of emotion. So when my sister came home with a bottle of UO (Urban Outfitters) varnish, in "Purple 7" I knew I was ready to embrace the pretty pastels.

Does this mean I'm feeling happy, whimsical and Spring-like? Why yes, it absolutely does!

Once my nails are freshly polished, I get the urge to adorn my hands with some decorations. I love wearing rings and mixing and matching expensive pieces with costume jewelry. I recently broke my favourite wrap-around leaf ring that I purchased at Topshop in London this past summer.  I was chatting with (let's call him "Mr. MBA") who left no opportunity to remind me over and over that he is an investment banker. I'm a fidgeter, so I was playing around with the ring on my finger when it spun off. I searched the sticky bar floor for my leafy lucky charm but to no avail. Mr. MBA then had the nerve to tell me that the reason I lost my ring was because "I was just so nervous because I wasn't used to talking to a guy like him." Riiight. Anyways, I found my ring but someone had stepped on it and crushed it flat! So a few days ago when I came across a similar leaf ring I just had to purchase it.

 I still have the pieces of the original. 

The resemblance is close, no?

Sidenote: I don't dislike investment bankers, moreover I dislike people who feel the need to patronize me or talk down to me because they somehow landed in a position where they make tons of paper. 1 I'm looking to hear what's beneath the surface and fancy career, that je ne sais quoi. If you tell me that you're obsessed with sweet potato french fries, your dog and hot yoga and you just happen to be an investment banker, cool.

Anyways, this week declare your mood with your polish! I love reading your comments & hearing from you. Write me at: write.notamodel@gmail.com. xo


1- Yes, I just referred to money as paper, I've been listening to a lot of hip hop and rap lately, oops! 

Project Reality

Let's talk models, body image & backlash.

Although I've proudly declared myself Not A Model, I still admire the beautiful, strong, real models out there who help represent a healthy image for young women. Lately, it seems that there is a lot of talk about diversity on the runways and the pressure for current supermodels to stay afloat in the stiletto infested waters of the fashion industry.

I respect models such as Coco Rocha, who has spoken out about eating disorders and her struggle to model within a strict standard. Also there's Doutzen Kroes, (my favourite Victoria's Secret angel) who has spoken about her refusal to lose her curves. The Fall 2010 Louis Vuitton runway show featured models of all ages, including 46 year old Elle Macpherson.

I'm inspired by people like Ben Barry, of the Ben Barry Agency who started his own modeling agency that "represents models of all ages, sizes, cultures and abilities." He's started a movement towards recognizing and appreciating beauty in its many forms. Healthy bakery owner and blogger Angela Liddon of OhSheGlows has a contest for her readers where she tells people to write "Size Healthy" on the tags of their clothes and submit their photos.

Don't get me wrong, I adore the fashion industry. I love the creativity, the art and the expression that fashion provides for people all over the world. There are tons of talented people behind these models such as photographers, makeup artists and designers. Instead, I criticize a system that idealizes adolescent girls and then chastises the same prodigy when she develops womanly curves. Ahem, I still think you're stunning Gemma Ward.

The reality is that people will age. They change shape; their bodies develop, sag, tighten and mold to the different harmonies and stages of life.

My hope is that young girls will look at magazine editorial spreads and understand that behind that model is a photographer who has a story to tell. A magic (computer) wand gets rid of blemishes, cellulite, lazy eyes and imperfections. If every woman and man can appreciate the art without trying to fit into some standard themselves (or find that replica in their significant others) there may be a shift in the perception of self-esteem and body image of many people. 

I've had my photo professionally taken. I've watched the little tricks of the trade to attain the poreless skin and the soft hazy edges. So I leave you with a photo (same series as my logo) that was taken a few years back as part of Stefania Sgambelluri's photography portfolio.

You see, I would never vacuum wearing high heels and a cocktail dress but it's part of a show, a story and an image. It's definitely not the reality.

I soon hope to talk about my own journey with self esteem and body image.

Until then.. stay healthy & critically aware of the media around you. 

Not A Model says...

My Pen pal

Go ahead and unplug.

I know telling my blog readers to sign off their computers is like a retail shop owner telling customers to stop buying clothes, but hear me out.

Today, I received a package from my dear friend Keith. Keith is an English teacher in Korea and we decided to keep in touch strictly via letters since he left. Sure, we can e-mail, Facebook or tweet but there is something exciting about searching through a pile of mail (bypassing bills and alumni brochures) and finding a handwritten letter bursting with updates.

What used to be the only way people kept in touch has become an almost dinosaur form of communication. But it is a known fact that people love personalized snail mail. Think of the e-mails devouring your inbox or the constant flow of online information you filter through every minute of the day. Now imagine coming home to a letter or a card in the mail. Don't you feel better already?

I'm all about old-fashioned communication.

It's a distinctive way to deliver a message and can set your piece of information apart. I'm an avid thank you card writer and I find people are super appreciative after receiving one of my cards. I also managed to land my very own penpal (here's looking at you Keith). His letters make me laugh out loud, and I love reading about all of his adventures. This time he sent some treats including crackers/cookies, pine tree toothpaste and socks that feature these famous crime show celebrity stars that are apparently all the rage in Korea.

I know you're jealous. So the next time you want to send a thank-you or a friend goes abroad, hold off on the e-mail and grab a pen and some paper.

It's time to get your cursive on!

What Do You Bow About It?

Salutations my lovely readers! Are you ready for another Not A Model photoshoot? 

This week the trend is bows. It seems these girly accessories have made their way from the playground to the runway. You can opt for a more demure look and wear it on a headband ala Blair Waldorf, or you can rock out with a giant '80s cartoon character bow. My inspiration for this shoot stems from the bolder look of bows as seen on the Marc by Marc Jacobs SS 2010 runway. Sometimes, bigger is just better. 

 

[Marc by Marc Jacobs 2010 photo courtesy of bellasugar] 

I'd like to introduce the latest non model, my best friend Loredana, or Dana as most people call her.  I've been best friends with Dana since we met in grade 6 about a million years ago. We've been through everything together, from school dances to traveling Europe. We live 2.5 seconds away from each other, our parents and sisters are friends and I'm pretty sure Bailey is more in love with her than me. We've managed to remain inseparable even when I left the Italian homeland to go away for school, and she can always (amazingly or frustratingly) read my mind. Anyone who spends five minutes with her can attest that she's side splitting hilarious.

I think she's beautiful inside and out, not to mention she has the most insane eyelashes I've ever seen. We had a blast shooting this, but really we have fun wherever we are.

 

 

Ps- Check the balloon!  xo

Vitamin Life

Lay it out, map it out. Explain yourself.

What career are you choosing/have chosen? What relationship are you currently in/pursuing/getting out of? Have you seen enough of the world yet? Why not? At your age why don't you have a set path? At your age why are you already so stuck in your ways? What exactly are you waiting for?

Do you ever feel that you have to define your entire life?

At twenty-two, I sometimes feel like I have the whole world at my feet. Yet, I worry that I'll wake up one day and feel like I haven't really done a single thing. 

To top it off, I constantly hear people say, "You won't do all these crazy things when you get married and have kids. Get it out of your system before you settle down." It's the mentality that you must to do everything NOW because pretty soon you'll be old, and old people don't have fun. (*please note the sarcasm)

Or it's the other extreme that if you have too much fun, and never really settle down that you'll end up without a career, relationship and forced to live in your parents' basement. If you're lucky.

I hear people my age fuss and drone on and on about their lives. I watch people's ears perk up at the mention of other people's travel plans or relationship status changes. I see those same eyes glimmer with envy at people who have found careers or apartments.  It's a strange secret competition. 

It seems that most people want to see the world but have a career, relationship or "adult life" to fall back on when ready.

Also, social media allows everyone to keep track of people that you really wouldn't give a hoot about otherwise. You can see photos of that random girl who you kind of talked in university jumping off a cliff in Thailand. People can weigh themselves against other people their age and wonder if they're at the right pace.

With only a few months left as a post- graduate student and internships approaching, I'm going to be transitioning into a whole new phase of my life soon. The tough questions jump rope all day in my mind. All my worries and fears point and giggle at me. One second I'm high heeling it to work in the city and the next second I'm living in another country, scribbling away in a notebook.

And then I meet the newest addition to our family, my baby cousin Daniel Lucas. 

He's brand new to our world. A world that sometimes leaves every single person on the planet confused, lost and overwhelmed. I gaze down at his day old wrinkled face, and hold his swaddled body in my arms.

Right now, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

When in doubt, look up

Coral Lips, Jade Tips

Are you ready for your close-up? 

I'd like to introduce a new section on Not A Model. Weekly or biweekly, I will choose beautiful people (inside and out) to highlight any current beauty or style inspiration. I know so many amazing people who can rock it just like any other size 0 model. These people will represent all different facets of beauty and style (all shapes, sizes and ages) that traditional media seems to overlook. This will also be my first venture into some amateur portrait and fashion photography, and I'm very excited to be able to capture emotion through images, rather than just words.

Cookie cutter looks and glamazons need not apply.

 

This week I asked my sister Melissa to help kick off Spring with a beauty shoot inspired by the March 2010 issue of Australian Vogue featuring model Abbey Lee Kershaw shot by photographer Max Doyle.

 

Coral lips are a large trend for Spring 2010. The bright colour breathes life into the darker, vampy winter makeup trends we've become accustomed to. I especially love the contrast of the tangerine colours and the jade. For the shoot, I used a hint of some old blue eyeshadow, Revlon lipstick in "Colour Me Coral," and a previous favourite of mine, Essie nail polish in "Candy Apple Mint"

Melissa was a great subject to photograph. These colours really compliment her skin tone and amber hued eyes. She definitely inherited the strong genes in the family. To say she's pretty would be an understatement. She's my best friend and her sense of humour really came through in these photos. I feel they really showcase her bubbly personality and up for anything attitude.

 

 

I can't wait to start this journey with my readers and showcase some real people and real beauty for the world to see.

It is time to quench your thirst for something fresh and get ready for sunny skies.

Citrus wedge on the side please.