My Muse

The Sound of Settling

Dear You,

You say you want one thing. You describe it in detail and argue your case so well that it baffles me when you choose to remain, or go back to the very thing you said you didn't want? Hmm...

But alas everything makes sense now.

It's not baffling. It's back to comfort. Back to starry-eyed naivety and no pressure. Safe, uncomplicated, unchallenging child's play.

It's like milk and cookies. You dunk the cookie in milk, with concentration and skill until you have created the perfect mix of soft, creamy and melt-in-your-mouth sweet. But leave your cookie in the milk for too long and it falls apart. You're left to go on an underwater scuba search with your spoon to find those bits settled at the bottom. You barely remember the crisp wholeness it used to be, yet you eat the squishy bits anyways.

Those bits are your unexamined life. Relationships, careers and health are among the most common things that people settle for. It's the mentality that what's out there (loneliness, hard work and a challenge) is way more frightening than mediocrity.

The main thing that kicks me into high gear is thinking of a future where I'm in a career that doesn't stimulate me, a relationship/marriage that was just "convenient" and a blurry image of a girl who used to have all this ambition and hope.

So my pitch is this: if you know in your heart of hearts that there is a better career, person, or version of yourself out there- be brave and make the change.

Sure you'll have critics saying you're crazy, or that you'll never find a better [job, person, house, life] than you have right now. But those people are just scared to make the moves themselves. The journey may be tough, but at least you'll have your integrity along the way.

If my "life is a cookie" isn't doing it for you, I'll leave you with a quote from inspirational author Alan Cohen:

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

Photobooths & Baby Cookies

Blogging about being sick is the equivalent of tweeting what you eat. No one really cares. So I won't mention that I have cold and I've been drinking copious amounts of tea and homemade pastina today. I won't mention it all.


I will share my weekend recap which consisted of divine dinners and baby showering. 

On Friday night, it was my cousin Laura's 22nd birthday so I headed to the Drake Hotel with my sister and best friend in tow, to celebrate. I've never been to the Drake, but it had a trendy atmosphere without trying too hard. We munched on bite-sized appetizers like mini hamburgers and tandori chicken sticks, with a plethora of gourmet dips. We also took black and white photos in a photobooth (because who doesn't love awkward, random, laughing your face off photos?)

Saturday night I went to dinner at Dimmi bar in Yorkville. The dark, swoonworthy atmosphere paired with some surprisingly youthful music was an interesting mix. Good food, wine and my best guys and girls is all I can ask for.

Sunday was more family oriented as we attended my cousin Annemarie's baby shower. In just 5 weeks we will welcome a new addition. We haven't had a baby in the fam for 20 years now!! I'm dripping in anticipation.

My sister, (the talented baker) made some adorable personalized sugar cookies. My cousin and her husband don't want to know the gender of the baby so my sister opted for stereotypical blue and pink.   Keep a look out for my very own personalized cookie at the end.

 

 

 

 

My cookie was a tester hence the unintentional American flag theme and sparkles. I love it nonetheless Melba.

Happy Monday, now it's back to tea and tissues.

This post was not inspired by Jersey Shore

Ciao Amore! (Hi Love)

I've decided to brush up on my Italian.

I know the basics and I understand better than I speak, but I'm disappointed that I don't know more. The funny thing is I took Italian classes all throughout elementary school and even took a summer course in Italy in grade 11. My summer trip ended up teaching me more about lax European drinking laws than how to communicate. Sidenote: my parents do not find this amusing. 

Even in Venice this past summer I would make fun of my best friend, who just added an 'o' to every word and said it with an Italian accent, hoping it would make sense. For example: to ask for a garbage she would say, "Garbagio?" Needless to say, the puzzled looks we got were endless.

So I recently purchased Let's Talk Italian, a complete 8 CD audio learning course. For under $15 (there was a 30% promotion going on) I can spice up my morning commute.

People who drive beside me probably think I'm having a really fun conversation on my bluetooth. Little do they know I'm actually reciting Italian words. I find this hilarious and quite sneaky of me. Most of the first CD I already know, but there are little things that I'm still learning.

My favourite word thus far is PERICOLO which means danger. Sidenote: This is no way to imply that I am a dangerous or bad driver.

Now this may sound ridiculous to some, and may warrant some teasing from my Italian friends but sooner or later I'll be sitting here.

So try something new and expand yourself or keep drinking that "haterade." 1


1-  Okay now that was inspired by Jersey Shore which is not a real depiction of Italian people at all, but trashy reality television entertainment that should not be taken for more than what it is: trashy reality television entertainment.

the MASK

It may seem difficult to get rid of all the junk in your car, closet or relationships but you can remove it from your face.

Once a week I like to bust out my Boots Botanics Conditioning Clay mask. This mask has burdock extract and a negative electrical charge to extract whatever is trapped in those pores. The dark green colour and thick consistency may be intimidating to some, but once it starts to dry you can feel it working. I purchased mine at select Shoppers Drug Marts for under $13.

Try not to watch anything funny while wearing the mask, as you won't be able to laugh or move your face very much. Now I know how Heidi Montag feels. In about 10 minutes (when the colour has turned light green) rinse the mask off with warm water and you'll be left with skin that has nothing to hide.

Looking like a swamp princess is the new way to get clean.

Shrek won't know what hit him.

FATAL ERRORS

In PR school there is something called a fatal error. A fatal error is when someone gets a name, organization, or any important information wrong in published work. When made in PR school, this error will slash your mark down to a 60% automatically. In real life, it may destroy an entire campaign, be costly to fix, and may even get you fired.

I've learned from a grueling PR semester that you must always tell the truth, apologize and address the issue. I've also learned that even if my blog posts have errors and I fix them after being published, Google reader does not update my posts right away. Duplicates on reader aren't cool either.

This is pretty frustrating. My sincere apologies to anyone who still sees any sort of error big or small in their reader. It always is fixed on my end. I will be more careful in the future especially now that I know the limitations in online publishing and posting late at night when I'm not thinking as clearly. We're all human and sometimes mistakes happen, but it is the responsibility of the communicator to correct the mistake and make amends.

My name is Amanda, and I'm not here to recruit you..

I believe in positivity. I preach optimism over pessimism every time. But sometimes you fall off that proverbial soap box and hit the ground, hard.

This past week it felt like every issue, scowl or sudden change in my life seeped into my open pores and contaminated my breezy outlook. It started with a new semester filled with interesting classes but an exhausting schedule. Next up we have some out of the blue friendship conflict and looming internship pressure. Lastly, I decided to dig up the past and see how I feel now about certain things and did not like what I found. But it all seems miniscule compared to the earthquake in Haiti.

I ask myself how I can sit around and worry about little things when people in the world are really suffering?  I chastise myself for being selfish and focusing so much on me, me, me! Then comes the guilt and self- punishment.

I feel too much. I sometimes walk around like a static cling sheet attracting everything and anything around me. Lately, I have an emotional laundry basket hanging off my back instead of the occasional black sock. 

So what do I do? I take a few deep breaths and understand that I can't control most of the things I'm dwelling over. I tell myself and my readers that if I/you can change only one thing, change how you feel about the situation.

The past is the past, but it is good to dig up emotions that haven't been dealt with and deal with them. Friendships change over time and hopefully the important ones will stand the test. I make a modest donation to Haiti and keep them in my thoughts. Finally, I will get a good night's sleep to prepare for my second week back and take things as they come, including internships.

So I climb back on my soapbox, the view is better from here anyways.

Shutterbug

As a non-model, I was curious to know what goes through the mind of a male photographer when he is placed in the presence of an Aphrodite. So I sat down with twenty-three year old budding fashion photographer Cory VanderPloeg (pronounced VanderPlue, the [eg] is silent) to talk models, photos and ingenuity. 

"To me, a model is just something that I use to advance a story," he says. 

VanderPloeg talks about models as only one part of the equation. To him, a model is just one piece of his art, rather than an idolized figure. I ask him about the secret world of photo retouching, and explain how the highly edited images of models can make any average Jane, or say Amanda feel inadequate.

VanderPloeg comments, "I want my photos to look the best they can. I'm not trying to say this is what a woman should look like, or this is what beauty is." He clarifies that he will never change a distinctive feature on a model like a large nose or wide hips.  The goal is to produce clean images rather than drastically change the way a person looks.

For inspiration he reads about 10 magazines a day and watches a lot of films. With a background in film (he attended film school at Sheridan College) he's had the opportunity to work on the lighting of major motion pictures such as The Incredible Hulk and Get Rich or Die Tryin'.

Yet, VanderPloeg wanted to channel himself into something more creative and hands-on. He sought out the photography genius of Steve Carty to inquire about an assistant job. With ambition and dedication, he's managed to assist and work with Carty and his talented team for 5 months now. "You can do anything when it comes to fashion. There are no limits, no rules. You take your camera and shoot," he says.

It is easy to be fooled by VanderPloeg's laid back appearance. Under his comfy hoodie, wool hat and no fuss jeans is an eagerness to discuss matters like world economics, sustainable living and music. It is rare to find someone who not only looks at life through a critical lens, (no pun intended) but who hasn't lost that sense of idealism that the world can be a better place.

"Our generation needs more thinkers," he says.

VanderPloeg's fantasy portrait goes way beyond long legs and lusty lips. He cites Martin Luther King Jr. and Bob Marley as his dream subjects. "Anyone who has made a difference in the world," he says.

Lastly, I ask him to give an inspiring quotation. On the spot, he quotes Henry Ford: "Whether you think that you can or think that you can't you're usually right."

Still curious about Cory? Check out some of his work below and visit his awesome website which features his full portfolio, a blog (includes Toronto Fashion Week) and some short films.

 

 

http://www.coryvanderploeg.com

(Girl) Talk is Cheap

[photo credit: myfreewallpapers.net]

Billy Crystal said it best, "Men and Women can't be friends," (When Harry Met Sally).

I've come to agree with this statement whole-heartedly and yet I've broken this rule many times. I thought I could find loopholes such as if one party was already in an existing relationship. But that proved to be even worse. It seems that someone always falls for the other. Someone's intentions somehow suddenly change along the way. The only way it works is when all parties have known each other for a very long time. Let's say since pre-pubescent, lip smackers and boy band days.

Moving back home has been a Halloween candy bag of experiences. There's the good stuff like the full sized chocolate bars, and then you find the cheap cellophane wrapped candy mints. But my sugar rush now comes in the form of my friends, half of them being part of the male gender. Most of us went to the same elementary school but attended separate high schools and while some moved away for university, most stayed put. Regardless, we've somehow managed to find each other again at a time when everyone is trying to figure out the next chapter of our lives.

Sometimes I much prefer talking to guys. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriends and appreciate their advice but it is interesting to get a male's perspective. Guys are also more relaxed, less catty and more honest I find.

Overall it is fair to say that every guy has a different perspective on relationships based on past experiences, yet they all want the head-over-heels-in-love-must-have-a-life-of-their-own-perhaps-a-respectable-career-chilled-cool-personality-hang-with-my-friends-hang-with-yours-non-clingy-must-be-attractive-face-and-body-and-not-boring- same thing.

I can safely say this goes for most girls too. At this point, no one is willing to settle for cheap cellophane wrapped mint candy.

My favourite gem of advice comes from Andrew who has left us for law school in England. When he returned for the holidays I filled him in on my most recent boy escapades. He said, "He sounds like a bloody wanker." Spoken like a true Brit.

You see I know it won't always be this way but for now it's nice to live in my very own version of FRIENDS, suburban style. 

Now if I could only get Jennifer Aniston's arms.

New Year, New Look

No one likes change.

I've made the decision to change notamodel's main logo. I know everyone, including myself has become attached to my original photo with Miss. Heidi Klum. (Fun Fact: many people are shocked when I tell them Heidi is the one on my shirt. I've heard people say the model looks like Britney Spears, Sienna Miller, you name it)

My decision is based upon the fact that soon I will start searching for an internship. Future employers will have to visit my blog to get a better sense of who I am online.

I've always said that if someone wouldn't hire me based on a photo then I'm probably not a good fit with their company. However, a half naked woman flipping the bird probably doesn't scream "professionalism."

I hope you like my new logo. It was taken around 3 years ago by the talented Stefania Sgambelluri when she was in her college photography program. I'm also proud to say that I edited the logo using Adobe Photoshop all on my own. I find Photoshop to be a very intimidating and confusing program but with a new version and some time, I sat there, played around and taught myself.

I also changed the blog layout to a wider view so I can fit more photos and longer text. I'm happy with the changes and I hope that my writing is the real reason you readers connect with me!

If you're still mourning Heidi & I, you can find the full original photo here. 

xo

Make Me A Mixed Tape Baby

I'm not a music snob.

I'm referring to those people who instantly stop liking a band when they become popular. Those people who want to keep their obscure, precious jewel of a band all to the confines of their personalized headphones.

I believe the whole point of music is for a large group of people to appreciate it. Not just for some too-cool-to-shower-headband-sporting-drenched-in-american-apparel-hipster. No offense.

The music I share depends on my mood. My recommendations may feel like old news for some, while for others I may be introducing you to your next great music love affair. 

I have one of those weekly.

For the person who dances with flailing limbs:  If you haven't heard of them yet, I highly recommend you pay attention. They're called Phoenix and I've been listening to their album Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix on repeat since May. In my car. In my room. In the shower. When the music hits your body, you are overcome with the urge to move. Mismatched socks, in my underwear, hair out of ponytail insanity. 
Try: Lisztomania  

For the heavy-hearted searching for answers: I believe John Mayer's Battle Studies was written for me. Okay not really. I discovered it during a time when I was seeking some closure from a whirlwind something or other that dragged on for what felt like forever, and then ended. Just like that. Battle Studies traipses on the grounds of compromise, not quite break-ups and deciding to define what's in front of you.
Try: Friends, Lovers Or Nothing

For those whose bed is never cold: There is a band that consists of four 20 year olds from the UK called The XX.   So what? Well, their music kind of sneaks up on you. With a few listens I was entranced by the male and female voices. I'm a sucker for a duet. But this ain't no Sonny and Cher. They hush about all those things that your mother told you not to talk about. 
Try: Heart Skipped a Beat

So that's it. I'm not a music blogger. If you're looking for one, my friend Zack (who recommended me the xx)  well he is pretty much the best when it comes to all things music. If you can think of your favourite band, he's probably photographed their concert. From Kings of Leon to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Zack is an expert. Check him out here. 

No hipsters were harmed in the writing of this post.