Recently...

October 25, 2010

The F-Bomb

I waited approximately 365 days for an apology.

Correction: I wasn't really waiting. I've given up on receiving anything close to resembling one. Suddenly, a year later I'm faced with an "I'm sorry" and a detailed explanation spewing words that I only imagined hearing. So I choose to drop the greatest F-bomb ever.

FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness is tough. It's tougher than anger, greater than revenge and it takes more skill than hoisting around that bulky grudge. It takes a boatload of grace to forgive the people who do you wrong. No matter if it's something that leaves a tiny scar, or something so grand you feel like you'll never be the same.

Do they deserve your forgiveness and grace? Do they deserve any sort of mercy or kindness? Probably not. Do it anyway.

Sure it's easy for me to say these things once space and distance has been achieved. If someone told me to forgive so quickly after, I would've thrown a tantrum, told them they don't understand and splashed some vinegar on my wounds for dramatic effect.

However, the sooner you forgive the more free you become.

Holding a grudge will not make you stronger or impermeable to pain. Refusing to open yourself up to new things because you've been hurt is no way to live.

Instead, forgiveness makes you stronger not weaker.

It takes energy to hold that resentment. Slowly, it eats away at you without you even knowing it, like a beautiful oak tree that looks alive and vibrant on the outside, but is decaying underneath. 

I learned after receiving what I thought I needed, I didn't actually need it at all. I've been perfectly fine without one. A year ago, I would've sprinkled some chocolate sauce and whip cream on those words and eaten them up. Instead I give my arm a break, put down the grudge and say:


Sure, I forgive you. But I'll be damned if I fucking forget. 


5 comments

  1. i love this post!

    "keep honey in your mouth and poison in your heart"

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha I LOVE the ending to this post. I'm proud of you for forgiving this individual and at the same time remaining so strong. I think this is my favourite post thus far!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks y'all! Been getting great responses from this one, I guess most people have been there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. so what happened? did some bitch take your man?

    ReplyDelete


UP