January 18, 2010

My name is Amanda, and I'm not here to recruit you..

I believe in positivity. I preach optimism over pessimism every time. But sometimes you fall off that proverbial soap box and hit the ground, hard.

This past week it felt like every issue, scowl or sudden change in my life seeped into my open pores and contaminated my breezy outlook. It started with a new semester filled with interesting classes but an exhausting schedule. Next up we have some out of the blue friendship conflict and looming internship pressure. Lastly, I decided to dig up the past and see how I feel now about certain things and did not like what I found. But it all seems miniscule compared to the earthquake in Haiti.

I ask myself how I can sit around and worry about little things when people in the world are really suffering?  I chastise myself for being selfish and focusing so much on me, me, me! Then comes the guilt and self- punishment.

I feel too much. I sometimes walk around like a static cling sheet attracting everything and anything around me. Lately, I have an emotional laundry basket hanging off my back instead of the occasional black sock. 

So what do I do? I take a few deep breaths and understand that I can't control most of the things I'm dwelling over. I tell myself and my readers that if I/you can change only one thing, change how you feel about the situation.

The past is the past, but it is good to dig up emotions that haven't been dealt with and deal with them. Friendships change over time and hopefully the important ones will stand the test. I make a modest donation to Haiti and keep them in my thoughts. Finally, I will get a good night's sleep to prepare for my second week back and take things as they come, including internships.

So I climb back on my soapbox, the view is better from here anyways.